Sunday, August 12, 2012

New news

YAY for new meds! The current one seems to be really helping emotionally, although the side effects are still hitting me pretty hard. Fun! So, I'm definitely feeling better emotionally which means the kids are better too. When I'm off my rocker, theirs destabilizes as well. That's why I used to work so hard to hide it. Now, of course, I'm "out" so to speak about my illness and that means being honest with them as well. So when they ask what's wrong, instead of saying, "Nothing, baby, mama's just tired" now I say, "Mommy's depression is kicking her butt right now, but it's okay because I will get better" or "Mommy's sad for no reason again." And when they ask how they can help, instead of "You can't" now I say, "Knowing that you want to help, helps me a lot." If they ask what they did wrong - as they often do - instead of saying "NO! Just let mommy sleep" now I say "Baby, remember this is something in Mommy's brain - NOT something you did. You didn't cause this!" So, regarding that, here's some more of my old stuff:


I’m so tired
of this
constant war
and all I ask,

Is that no one
gets to see
through my
happy mask.

I put it on
and laugh
with all the
people that I see.

And then I wonder
why it is that
no one really
knows me.

Why are they
so deaf
to all the questions
I can’t ask?

Why can’t all the
ones I love
see through my
happy mask?

They don’t see
the anger
that I try so hard
to hide.

They don’t see
the pain
or the scars
I keep inside.

Why are they
so blind
to my tears
is all I ask?

Why can’t anyone
I know
see through my
happy mask?

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